I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Randomize
