I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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