Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
