dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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