they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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