He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
