two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Too much gin, very little bucket
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Randomize
