Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Randomize
