dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
farters have to be the big spoon...
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
