I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize