Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
