my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
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