so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
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