Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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