end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Randomize