I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
