Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
