whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
