I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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