this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
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