what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
