I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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