ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Let's get the cat blown out
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize