I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
