I like to think it a success when the cops are called
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Randomize