i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
