VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
