I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
