You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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