I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
