I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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