honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
