Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
either way he was missing a nipple.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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