Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
