note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
