when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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