If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
