He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
