idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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