I want to walk on stilts...naked
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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