It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
