Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
