The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
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