what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
