Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Randomize
