No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
