im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
