I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
