Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I came so hard my ears popped.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
