while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
