There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
