just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
