ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
