He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
