I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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