I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
