It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
