My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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