mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Randomize
