oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
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