She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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