Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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