i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
