just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Randomize
