So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
