i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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