Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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