just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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