my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
