Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
