I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize