Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
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