Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
