just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Randomize
