How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Randomize
