I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
