lets start a swedish sibling band together
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize
